Gossip in the office or business deals; most people have had experience with it but rarely know how to look at things logically without adding fuel to the fire and becoming emotionally involved. An office or partnership can become divided from people taking sides and listening through the grape vine about the events leading up to the mess. I’ve seen friendships fall apart, business deals break, and integrity lost; all over a simple game of “telephone” we used to play back in our elementary school days.
So how do you keep the peace and avoid these “playground games”? The key is to ask, “Am I on or off the court?”
Imagine a tennis court. You have two players on the court in the middle of a match (players A & B); each of them hitting the ball back and forth. Then you have the stands from which the crowd is cheering; whether it be good or bad. Suppose, one of the players (A) missed the ball during the match causing him to lose the game; various things from the stands could be heard as a result such as:
“Player A is terrible!”
“Great hit, nicely done player B!”
“What a waste of a game this was.”
“I knew player A was a loser, he shouldn’t even be in this game”
“Player B is a star, he is so skilled!”
In the stands, just like in gossip; you will have positive and negative comments. The thing to keep in mind is that all of these comments are from the crowd. These people are just observers…mere commentaries passing judgement and opinions from a third party perspective. They had nothing to do with the match that took place and couldn’t possibly pass judgement as they were not directly involved. Was player A terrible, or is player B just more talented? Did player A trip and that’s why the ball was missed? Is player B really skilled or did he just get a lucky hit? These kinds of questions can only be answered by the people in the match; by the people directly involved. Even then, people directly involved in a situation can still add their own biases and assumptions. For that reason, all gossip and conflicts dealt in the office need to be looked at from the “court” with just the facts.
Have whoever is “on the court” sit down together and write out strictly facts with regards to what they are upset about. Feelings and assumptions are left aside. Then have a neutral third party come in and go over the lists with them. When this is done, things are much easier to discuss because assumptions and feelings are put aside. Arguments and miscommunications are easily diffused because there was really never anything to argue about or at least can be settled from a much calmer and cooler viewpoint.
If you find yourself “on the court” in a situation, take a deep breath and look at the facts rather than feelings and assumptions.
Is this doesn’t work and you are in an office or business deal where people find enjoyment from being in the stands, sometimes your best move is to pack up your lunch and move to a different sandbox for some new positive playmates.